sleepless thoughts and global warming jokes

I was lying in bed tonight trying to get to sleep and it occurred to me that what with all this global warming stuff going on, and the resulting increase in ocean levels, it might be a very good time to take SCUBA lessons. Can't hurt, good hobby and all that, and it might come in very handy in the future. I really need more sleep.


I found this graphic on The Humor Archives but it wasn't credited so I don't know where it originally came from.

Some Jokes:

"Scientists say because of global warming they expect the world's oceans to rise four and a half feet. The scientists say this can mean only one thing: Gary Coleman is going to drown." --Conan O'Brien


"President Bush said global warming is happening much quicker than he thought, and then his staff pulled him aside and said 'It's just springtime.'" --Jay Leno


"According to a new U.N. report, the global warming outlook is much worse than originally predicted. Which is pretty bad when they originally predicted it would destroy the planet." --Jay Leno


"President Bush has a plan. He says that if we need to, we can lower the temperature dramatically just by switching from Fahrenheit to Celsius" --Jimmy Kimmel


Top Ten President Bush Global Warming Solutions from David Letterman
  • Instead of "Partly sunny," have weatherman say "Partly cloudy"
  • Stop using Air Force One for Texas barbecue runs
  • Replace dangerous CO2 in the atmosphere with more eco-friendly CO1
  • Encourage people to walk more by distributing free Dr. Scholl massaging gel inserts. Are you gellin'?
  • Watch Al Gore movie one of these nights instead of "Dukes of Hazzard"
  • Bob Barker's free. Get him workin' on it
  • Send more troops to Iraq
  • I dunno, tax cuts for the rich?
  • Reduce hot air emissions by cancelling "The View"
  • Resign

Comments

Into the Light said…
Well, your sleeplessness provided me with some amusement. Thanks!
4:29 AM
SassyAssy said…
I like the visual joke the best!
9:39 AM
kenju said…
LOVE the jokes - especially Jimmy Kimmel's!
3:12 PM
DANIELBLOOM said…
Love yr comments and blog. i made a blog just for gallows humor for global warming, and welcome more jokes and comments.....at......http://gwgh101.blogspot.com
9:46 AM
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