Just Joking

Some jokes to lighten a Thursday afternoon...

Animal Tales

---bunny---
Once upon a time in a nice little forest, there lived an orphaned bunny and an orphaned snake. By a surprising coincidence, both were blind from birth.

One day, the bunny was hopping through the forest and the snake was slithering through the forest, when the bunny tripped over the snake and fell down. This of course, knocked the snake about quite a bit.

"Oh, my," said the bunny, "I'm terribly sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. I've been blind since birth, so, I can't see where I'm going. In fact, since I'm also an orphan, I don't even know what I am."

"It's quite OK," replied the snake. "Actually my story is much the same as yours. I too have been blind since birth and also never knew my mother. Tell you what, maybe I could slither all over you and work out what you are, so at least you'll have that going for you."

"Oh, that would be wonderful." replied the bunny.

So the snake slithered all over the bunny and said, "Well, you're covered with soft fur, you have really long ears, your nose twitches and you have a soft cottony tail. I'd say that you must be a bunny rabbit."

"Oh, thank you, thank you!", cried the bunny with obvious delight. The bunny suggested to the snake, "Maybe I could feel you all over with my paw and help you the same way that you've helped me."

So the bunny felt the snake all over and remarked, "Well, you're smooth and slippery, you have a forked tongue and no backbone. I'd say you must be either a team leader or possibly someone in senior management".

 ---dog---

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.

My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him? " "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"
So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says "I'm going to have to put him down."

"What? Because he's cross-eyed?"

"No, because he's really heavy" 

---human---
A blonde woman calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come over and help me.... I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't figure out how to get it started".

Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be when it's finished?"

The woman says, "According to the picture on the box, it's a rooster".

Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle. She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then looks at the box and then turns to her and says, "First of all, no matter what we do, we're not going to be able to assemble these pieces into anything resembling a rooster".

He held her hand and said, "Second, I'd advise you to relax. Let's have a cup of tea".

After a few sips, he sighed and said, "Third... lets put all these Cornflakes back in the box".